Coffee Talk: Polar Opposites

Navigating seeing someone who is the polar opposite of me:

1. He always needs to be doing something – working out, playing volleyball, golfing. I’m totally fine just lounging in bed and soaking up the sun, reading a book, or watching a movie or show. I’m willing to compromise and go to the beach or park with him and he can play ball with his friends while I read a book. It’s just that I’m not sure we’re at the level yet – the whole “meet my friends” level. I would love him to meet my bestie, but I don’t want him to feel pressured to do so. And I also don’t want him to feel pressured to introduce me to his friends.
   
   
2. He sleeps early and I’m up late. He tries his best to stay up and hang out when he spends the night. I appreciate the effort and if I don’t have extra guests over, then I’m more than happy to sleep at the same time. It just sucks because sometimes we’ll all be hanging out and he’ll excuse himself to call it a night and then he’s not there to share the moment with. I don’t get to see him often, and I know it’s selfish of me, but I want him to stay up sometimes so that we can make the most of our time together.
   
   
3. He’s not the best at communicating when we’re apart. I’m huge on keeping communication open – even if it’s just for an hour at the end of our day. It helps me feel connected. He doesn’t feel the exact same. If he’s busy or has had a long day, he’s not going to message me because he doesn’t want to have to have a conversation. If he’s free, then sure, he’ll take the time to chat. It’s something that I definitely have to learn to adjust to.
   
   
4. He fiercely independent. I’m independent, but I’m also still growing and sometimes I need that help – that support. He takes things on himself and doesn’t ask for help or doesn’t ask to vent or talk things through. If I’m going through something difficult, I like to have a sounding board so I can talk out how I’m feeling and see if I can get a different perspective. I just want him to open up more and trust that he can rely on me. 
   
   
5. He thinks about moving out of the OC area and that’s something I’ve never even considered. My sisters and besties leave out this way and I’m highly dependent on them. To think about potentially moving more than a quick 25-30-minute drive away from them gives me anxiety. At the same time, I get where he’s coming from. Financially speaking, it would be better to move out of the OC area as you could probably get more bang for your buck.
   
   
6. He’s got his emotions under control at all times. I’m highly emotional. I’ll cry when I’m happy, sad, upset, drunk. He saw me drunk for the very first time this weekend and he said it made him anxious. I don’t want him to feel anxious with me or about me, but now he’s got me anxious. I have no idea what I said when I was plastered, but if he’s anxious now, it can’t be good. Is he thinking about running? I don’t know because he’s so calm and collected.

 

I know we haven’t been seeing each other for long, but I’ve been hurt too many times to turn a blind eye to these observations. Maybe it’s a pessimistic outlook to have, but I need to know what I’m potentially getting into. Are these things either of us are willing to compromise on? Can we adapt and be happy? If not, do we just cut ties now before things get too serious. Before I get hurt again.