Coffee Talk: Sucker for Love

Sometimes I wonder why I always tend to go for the wrong guy. The one who is either emotionally unavailable or too focused on his career. It’s like I tell myself that I want the career driven guy, but then he’s so focused on his career that he “doesn’t have time for a relationship.” Or it’s like they show signs of being emotionally unavailable and I’m out here thinking that I can change their mind. Like girl, please.

If I had known a year ago that the rollercoaster I was about to embark on would be full of so many twists and turns, I might have reconsidered getting on. Don’t get me wrong – I still want love and a committed relationship that hopefully lead to a marriage and family one day. It’s just I forgot how much dating sucks.

Dating as a teen versus dating as an adult has their own set of complications. As teens we don’t have life figured out – we’re just hormonal and full of questions. I thought that surely dating as an adult would be easier. I figured, we’d know what we want and there wouldn’t be these childish games to play anymore. I thought it would be as simple as, “are you looking for a fling or something serious?” “You want a family and kids or nah?” “How about politics and religion? Values and beliefs?” I was so naïve to think that everyone would have it figured out by now.

Maybe it’s not just naivety. Maybe I have too many expectations? Or maybe I’m just cold. But is it too much to ask for someone to be on the same page? It’s not like I’m looking for the guy to propose on the first date. I just don’t want to waste my time – or theirs – pursuing something if they aren’t looking for something serious. If they know they’re busy with their careers, then don’t try to start something serious. Don’t expect “girlfriend” treatment if you can’t return the same level of time and effort.

It frustrates me that I keep choosing these boys though. It makes me feel like shi every time I give these guys my attention and time only for them to turn around a few months later to be like “just kidding – I’m have a career.” It’s also slightly offensive. Like what, I don’t? Sure, maybe their jobs are fancier than mine, but I still work just like them. And yeah, I still live at home, but it’s allowing me to allocate more of my money to things like paying off my student loans and saving for a car and place of my own. And you know what, screw them. I can have both. I can have a job, work towards a solid career path, and find love. It’s called balance. You make the time and effort for the things you want in life. If they really wanted to find love and a relationship like they say they want, then they would make the time.

I’m done being sad and woe is me over these boys. I know what I want and I’m not going to apologize for going after it. I’m not going to hold it against them for not being on the same page. I wish them the best of luck in all that they do. They can do them, and I’ll do me.

P.S. watch the next guy break my heart and I’m back at square one. I’m a sucker for love. Aphrodite loves to play with my heart and Cupid’s aim is the worst. It’s all just a game and I’m the most used player.