Coffee Talk: Moving On

You said from the start that you were scared of hurting me. Well guess what – I’m hurt. I won’t tell you though because I don’t want you to feel bad. There’s no point hurting you just because you hurt me. Instead, I’m moving on with my life.

I’m back on the apps and I’m honestly doing fine. Sure, there are moments of sadness over losing what we had, but I’m not letting that hold me back. I’m out here meeting new people and having good conversations. Some people may disagree with how I’m proceeding, but I honestly don’t care what they think. I know what I want in life and I’m going to get it.

 

I want someone I can form a genuine bond with. Someone who is 100% real, vulnerable, and honest with me because if I’m going to be giving them the real me, then I expect the same in return. I’m looking for someone that I could form something long term with. I want someone who wants a family and shares the same values and beliefs. I’m never going to find this person if I just sit here and think, “oh boo hoo – all these boys do is break hearts.” No, if I want it then I’ve got to get out there – figuratively speaking given the current state of the world – and make connections.

Now, it’s not like I’m out here expecting every boy I talk to to be “the one,” but I’m keeping my options open in the hopes of finding him. Maybe along the way I’m going to meet a lot of other “heartbreakers” and people who aren’t chasing the same dream, but hey there’s no harm in making more friends. For now, all these guys are simply possibilities. Maybe we’re better off friends and maybe we can be more. Only time will tell how it will all pan out.

I do admit that after being broken so many times, I am being more cautious with these guys. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still being real with them and I’m not out here proactively hiding secrets or lying. If anything, I’m just making sure I’m not getting attached too quickly too soon. My biggest flaw that I’ve learned from my past experiences is that I want so badly to believe that everyone deserves my love when in reality not everyone is worthy of having it. I’m sorry if that comes off as being conceited, but it’s true. The love I have to give is just as valuable as anyone else’s and the guy I end up with is going to realize this and appreciate having it. He won’t take it for granted.

I do hope that y’all can understand where I’m coming from since it’s basically the same approach one would take in chasing their dream job. It’s just in this case I’m chasing my dream relationship. If you can’t understand that then that’s fine, but just remember that’s your opinion. I don’t need your judgment. I don’t need lectures and “I told you so’s.” I need you to do you, while I do me and that’s it.