Week 1 update of Self-Isolating in my own home without you. Here it goes.
Saturday evening: We spent as much of the day as we could together before you had to drop me off, so we’ll just count the evening without you. I did my laundry and cried – a lot.
Sunday: I started the mini bedroom makeover/purge. I swept and dusted. I went through my perfume collection and got rid of anything I didn’t wear. The collection has gone from roughly 20+ bottles of perfume to just 3 bottles, so I call that a pretty big accomplishment. I took down my fairy lights and hung up a fake vine lighting situation. You said I should do a jungle theme. I told you that I’m going for a Romeo and Juliet vibe – romance and death.
Monday – Thursday: We’re just going to bunch these days together because all I really did was wake up and work. Thursday evening was nice though. We used the video call option on Snapchat and even though you mostly played video games the entire time, it was just good to see your face again. I didn’t want to hang up, so you let me keep the call going all night. It was almost like being there with you.
Friday: I got to wake up to you telling me good morning. And just like when I was with you, you told me, “it’s early – go back to bed.” I cried because in my mind, I could feel you kissing my forehead as you said this – it’s what you did every morning. We spent an hour just lying there on the video call not really saying much, just enjoying each other’s company. It was the perfect start to my day. I tried to have a Zoom and Wine night with my besties, but we’re all fools and couldn’t figure out Zoom so we switched to a different platform. It was nice to catch up with everyone. I realized just how much I miss them and how I never truly appreciated being able to go out and have a meal with them.
Yesterday and today: I’ve finished the mini bedroom makeover/purge. I have compiled three garbage bags full of items to donates – clothes, bags, books, miscellaneous items. There’s a small bag of clothes that aren’t in good condition so I’m going to take them to H&M to be recycled. I bought another fake vine lighting thing from Target and hung it above the other one then hung some art prints from them. Now you think it gives off a holiday vibe. I had to remind you I’m going for romance and death ala Romeo and Juliet. I finally hung up the art print T got me years ago of Kiki and Jiji from Kiki’s Delivery Service and made a mini art wall. Oh, and I finally put up the bag hook on my door. It will not be used for my bags – it will be used to hold my outfits for the next day. Quick note: you actually shouldn’t hang your bags – it wears down the handles/straps faster. Personally, with my eating disorder I never kept food in my room. Now that I’m WFH though, I didn’t want to keep leaving my room to get a snack. The solution – I made a snack basket and put all the snacks you bought me. It’s by my bedroom door so I don’t feel too bad about it being here. Who knows, maybe having it there will help me with my disorder. Only time will tell.
Overall update: I have cried every day since we’ve been apart. I’ve also gotten angry with you a few times. The thing is, this is a good test for us. We’ve tested our ability to live together. Now we’re testing our ability to stay connected even when apart. It’s also teaching me to not rely on you to keep me from getting in my head about my disorder and depression. I’m learning to be self-reliant and find ways of coping on my own. So, while this week apart has been a true struggle for me emotionally, I am starting to really incorporate all the things Dr. A and Dr. J have taught me in my therapy sessions. I’m learning to be comfortable around food and acknowledging when I’m hungry by having a snack basket in my bedroom. I’m acknowledging my emotions, but not letting it consume me by immersing myself in another task. This past weekend was giving my bedroom a mini cleanse. Clearing out my room helped me to cleanse my headspace and soul. My room feels lighter and brighter and so do I.
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