Moving on is never easy. Everyone always has a different
“cure” for a broken heart. Here are all the things I’ve heard:
1.
Don’t shut the world out or stay locked away in
your room
2.
Find ways to keep busy or occupied
3.
Block and unfollow him on all accounts
4.
Get rid of anything and everything that reminds
you of him
5.
Don’t listen to love songs or sad songs
6.
Don’t do anything rash to change your appearance
7.
Indulge in your favorite snacks aka eat your
feelings
8.
Cry if you need to
9.
Talk about it to someone
10. “To
get over him, get under a new one”
At 27 years old, I realize teen me was so naïve to think that
it was always going to be so easy peasy lemon squeezy. Teen me didn’t know that
I would one day love you. Getting over you has been one of the hardest heartbreaks
I have had to face. At the same time, it has taught me to look at the “cures,” and
how it applies to me, in a new light.
1.
Don’t shut the world out or stay locked away in
your room
a.
False. It’s okay for me to stay tucked away in
my room. If I need the alone time, then that’s fine. My room is my safe haven
where I can be 100% me without worrying about trying to put up a front with the
rest of the world. Locking myself away in my room on the fourth day helped me to
really get in-touch with how I was feeling about the breakup. It helped me
channel my pain into a positive platform – writing. It’s what helped me to
write “End of K.” It’s what helped me make the first step in acknowledging that
we were in fact over.
2.
Find ways to keep busy or occupied
a.
True. The morning after our split, I wanted
nothing more than to stay in bed all day and cry. I had to force myself out of
bed and into work. Sure, I probably cried 75-80% of the workday, but I got
through it because I was working aka watching movies.
3.
Block and unfollow him on all accounts
a.
Undecided. Though I probably should, I just can’t
bring myself to do it. Since we’re not talking right now, it’s the only way I know
that you’re doing okay. That you’re healing as well.
4.
Get rid of anything and everything that reminds
you of him
a.
False. It’s not necessary for me to erase every
trace of you from my life. There are things I should get rid of and some things
I can keep. For instance, the shirts I “stole” from your place, which I did
return the night it ended – that wouldn’t have been healthy to hold on to.
Pictures of us are uncharted territory as I still haven’t had the courage to go
through them. I’m sure once I work up the strength to look at them there will
be some I can keep, such as group pictures. Then there’s Barry Bearington. I
still cuddle him every night and it doesn’t phase me. I don’t lie in bed
looking at him and think of you. He’s just Barry Bearington. My giant teddy
bear. On the other hand, the other day I opened my vanity and there were our
Disneyland tickets. Those two tiny pieces of paper had me bawling my eyes out.
I tossed those immediately. I don’t know why the tickets stung more than Barry
Bearington, but I know I don’t need to erase you in order to heal. It’s just a
matter of figuring out what hurts and what doesn’t.
5.
Don’t listen to love songs or sad songs
a.
False. At nights when I’m most vulnerable, I’ve
found that listening to songs about love and heartbreak have helped me. It lets
me feel everything I’ve kept at bay all day come to surface. It gives me
something to resonate with. It puts words to my emotions.
6.
Don’t do anything rash to change your appearance
a.
True. I personally haven’t done anything
“crazy,” but I don’t think it’s a good idea to make any hair or tattoo changes
in an emotional state. Not unless it’s something that you’ve been wanting to do
for a while and the breakup gave you the push. Please note that next month I
will be making what some may think is a drastic change, but this has nothing to
do with us. This was something I had been thinking about for a couple month’s
now and the appointment was booked before we split.
7.
Indulge in your favorite snacks aka eat your
feelings
a.
False. As someone with an eating disorder, this
will not help me heal. If anything, it will make me feel worse. Sure, maybe in
the moment it helps, but at the end of the day I regret it. In the end it goes
like this: heartbreak + indulgence + eating disorder = disaster.
8.
Cry if you need to
a.
True. A good cry always helps. Sometimes it’s
exhausting, but my gosh it helps. Crying has allowed me to acknowledge and
accept what I’m feeling. I cried for days in the beginning and I never thought
I would stop. And then it slowly did. Now I cry less frequently and when I do,
I know that it won’t last. In a sense, crying is kind of empowering. It has to
allowed me to be vulnerable with myself. To let myself freely feel all these
emotions and be okay with them.
9.
Talk about it to someone
a.
True. I’ve talked to so many people about our
split and everyone has been so incredibly supportive in their own ways. J and K
especially have been my rocks through it all. They know me better than I know
myself and have been able to provide me with the love and support that I’ve
needed on this healing journey. When I’m being irrational, they keep me
grounded. When I need extra love, they know what to say to make me feel at
ease. At the same time, they don’t push me to talk about it. They understand
when I need to talk things out and when I need a distraction. They’re my
besties after all.
10. “To
get over him, get under a new one”
a.
False. Maybe it would help me forget you in the
moment, but it can’t fix the bigger issues – the emotional pain. It would only
provide me with a temporary distraction.
So maybe I don’t have the answer to the “perfect breakup
cure,” but does anyone? It’s all subjective at the end of the day. Just like
falling in love, healing a broken heart is going to be and feel different for
each person. I’m learning that now.
Year 27: the year I started to learn how to repair my heart.
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