Coffee Talk: Sprinkles of Joys

The past few weeks have been a real struggle. Between everything going on in the world – I’m looking at you COVID-19 – and the little things in my own little world, I feel like I’m barely keeping it together. I’ve had multiple mental breakdowns. There was even one day where I literally began and ended the day in tears. I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.

There’s a part of me that feels like I’m barely staying afloat. The other day I was literally struggling to keep a positive mindset. Then I remembered what Dr. J told me to do on bad days – find something that brings me even just a glimmer of light on my dark days. Since I can’t seem to do this in the moment, I figured what better way to remember than to just write it down.

So here we go. Here are the little sprinkles of joys in my life right now:

1. Getting a new tattoo: I’ve wanted it for months and just kept putting off. I finally got it and I couldn’t be happier.
2. Writing once a week: This started off as a recommendation from my therapists, but it has allowed me to get back in-touch with myself and what I truly enjoy.
3. Samara: I had the opportunity to speak with the founder of one of my favorite companies of all time. It was honestly such a humbling experience to be able to get to know more about the company and what she stands for. I love the brand even more than I did before.
4. My best friends: They continue to be my rock during these times. They help me laugh and not take life too seriously all the time. They give me sound advice and loving slaps back to reality when I’m slipping off the edge.
5. Rainy days: Yes, I hate driving in the rain. And yes, I hate cold weather. But when the sun peaks out for even just a little bit, it makes me appreciate those warmer days just a little more. It also gets me excited for spring and summer. Besides, California could always use some rain.
6. Dinner: I’m still uneasy about eating – thank you eating disorder – but I look forward to dinners now. Dinners mean that there’s a 75% chance that I get to see you. Sure, it may take us a while to decide what to eat and then where to go to get it, but it’s time I get to spend with you. It’s what I look forward to on really rough days.
7. Overnights at your house: You’ve helped me appreciate early nights. I’m still not a huge fan of early mornings, but I’m getting there. You feed me yummy snacks before bed with no judgment. I get to fall asleep and wake up to cuddles. What more could a girl ask for?

These are my “silver linings” and I’m going to hold onto them for dear life. Or at least till life calms down and I feel like I can breathe again.