Coffee Talk: A New Age

I’m turning 28 tomorrow and at a time like this, it feels weird to want to celebrate my birthday. There’s so much tragedy and unjust in the world – especially as of late – that to take the time to celebrate feels selfish.

 

I spent the weekend “celebrating” my birthday and it’s been bittersweet. I was finally able to see my K and M after months of being apart. I got to spend a relaxing day with my M, D, and C. It’s a weird feeling though to feel momentarily happy while the rest of the world is in chaos. There’s a large part of me that feels like I should be putting all my attention on educating myself on Black Lives Matter and the struggles POC have suffer through on a daily basis. It’s almost like by celebrating my birthday further emphasizes my privilege because I have the opportunity to acknowledge that I’m turning a new age.

I’ve spent the past two weeks talking to D and M about BLM. I’ve been reading up on ways I can create a positive impact – i.e. donations, staying informed, and learning about black owned businesses. I’m not saying that by celebrating my birthday means I’m going to also stop educating myself. Rather, I just want to take a moment to have a bit of peace and happiness in my life. Is it wrong that momentarily emotional escape? It feels wrong – feels selfish.

 

There are countless black lives lost who will never get to experience another birthday like I do. Who will never get to celebrate these joyous occasions with their loved ones like I can. The thing that makes this even more heartbreaking is that this isn’t a new issue. This has been an issue since forever. Black lives have always been under attack, but it’s only recently that some of us have ever stopped to make this realization. At least, it’s the first for me and that makes me question myself and how I’ve lived in my own state of ignorance. I was never blind to the racism and injustices, but I never saw it for all it was. I never really acknowledged all the pain, suffering, heartaches, and tribulations of the black people.

 

I want to apologize for being so blind and ignorant. For while I still may not fully grasp the severity of the situations, I will continue to work to educate myself on the struggles the black community has faced. I will continue to find ways to be an ally and support them. To stand up for them and help them gain the justice and equality they deserve.

 

I am sorry.