Coffee Talk: Lessons from Mom and Popo

Today is Mother’s Day. What better way to honor the Mother’s around the world than to share the five biggest lessons from the Mother’s in my life. This one is for the two women who raised me: my Mom and my Popo.

1. Skincare is important: Every morning and every evening my Popo would stand in the front of the bathroom mirror and go through her skincare routine. It went face wash, face cream, powder, lip stick or lip balm, body lotion. It was no elaborate 7-step routine, but it worked for her. She never missed a day. She’s the one who got me to pay attention to my skincare. She bought me lotions and creams – all of which led me to where I am today in my own skincare routine.
2. Makeup doesn’t define my beauty: Growing up, I was never allowed to wear makeup with the exception for band competitions and prom. On the day-to-day basis, I was lucky to even be allowed to wear lip gloss – a feat that took lots of begging and assistance from my Popo to convince my mom to let me do. While I didn’t understand my mother’s stance on makeup when I was a teen, I get it now. She was teaching me to be comfortable in my own skin. She didn’t want me to feel the need to have makeup to feel beautiful. Now that I’m older, I still don’t wear makeup on a daily basis. That isn’t to say I’m confident in my looks, rather that I know it isn’t necessary. At the end of the day, with or without makeup I know that to someone out there, I am beautiful. We all are.
   
3. Mom will always be there to help pick up the pieces: There have been so many times that I’ve messed up and gotten in trouble. Each time my mother is at the ready to lecture and scold me, but also to hold me and guide me through the situation. A boy she warned me about broke my heart? A quick “I told you so” followed by long hugs and rubbing my back while I lay in bed crying. I got into a fight with K or M? Tries to help us fix things on our own and when that fails, is there to help keep the peace.
   
4. Be the lion and the lamb: My mother and Popo are some of the most generous people I know. They always have loose change to spare to the homeless man who lives at the bus stop, food to share with their friends, and time to watch your kids if you need a sitter last minute. They are kind and gentle, but they are also fierce. They don’t stand for injustice and are ready to fight for their loved ones. They’ve taught me to be the same. Be the peaceful lamb and help those in need. At the same time, be the strong lion and don’t’ let anyone take advantage of my kindness and generosity.
   
5. Eat what you want, when you want: My Popo passed before I had the chance to tell her that I struggle with an eating disorder, but I don’t think I had to. Somehow, she just knew. One of my Popo’s favorite phrases to tell my mother was, “when the cat’s away, the mouse comes out to play.” My Popo always said this as my mom was getting ready to go out and leave us alone. My mother would remind me to make myself a sandwich or to eat the bento she bought that morning if I got hungry – absolutely no snacks or sweets. My Popo would watch my mom leave then turn to me and ask, “so what do you want to eat?” I would always mutter some reply about the food my mom left, and she would ask again, “so what do you want to eat.” Maybe it was a large bowl of ice cream, a slice of cake, her special hot cocoa and crackers. Whatever I wanted she would make me and then she would eat the food my mom left so that my mom would never know otherwise. It was like in her own way, she was trying to discreetly help me with my disorder. She taught me years before my therapists did that it’s absolutely okay to eat what you want when you want it because what matters is that you’re eating. And while I may still be struggling with my disorder, it’s nice to know that all along my Popo was trying to teach me to be okay with eating.