Coffee Talk: Fairytales

Once upon a time…

When I heard that as a child, I knew I was in for a good old fairytale. One about a damsel in distress, a villain, and a prince who saves the day. Fairytales made me believe in “happily ever after’s” and Prince Charming. Society reinforced this idea.

Fairytales taught me that a knight in shining armor would always rescue the girl. Society taught me that a man should be able to provide for his family. Both taught me that the man should treat his partner like a queen or king. Things have changed though.

The damsel in distress can also be the knight in shining armor. It’s okay for the female to provide for the family. A girl doesn’t need a man to be the queen she was born to be.

The independent part of me says, “hell yeah! I don’t need a man to treat me like the queen I know I am. I am more than capable of slaying my own dragons.” The hopeless romantic in me says, “but I want him to.” And that’s what I’ve been struggling with these past eight months.

All my life, I’ve had people treat me like the princess I’d been taught about through fairytales and societal expectations. I was spoiled and accustomed to it. When I started dating again, I realized not everyone thinks the same way as me. Suddenly I’m having to open my own doors on dates. Pull out my own chair. Carry my own bags. Either walk faster to keep up or accept that I’ll always be a step behind. Be the first to reach out. These small things may be the norm for some, but not to me. To me, this new dating experience is a whole new world.

These experiences have made me feel like romance is dead and like I’ve been living in a fairytale. J told me otherwise. She said, “I don’t think it’s completely dead. There are some guys out there that will go above and beyond for you. I know he’s out there!” And she’s right.

I need to have faith that God has my Prince Charming out there somewhere trekking along in his own storyline until our paths meet. The man God has for me will treat me like a princess, but also understand that I am capable of taking care of myself.

He will open doors and pull out chairs. If I have a lot of bags, he’ll carry them even though he knows I’m strong enough to carry them myself. When we go out, he will offer to pay but also be okay if we split or take turns picking up the check. When we’re walking, he’ll walk beside me at a neutral pace for the two of us. When it’s crowded, he’ll hold my hand to guide me. He will send me random texts or call me to let me know he’s thinking of me and misses me.

All these little things that may be trivial to some but mean a great deal to me, he’ll do and not because I expect it or because society says so. He’ll do them because he cares. And sure, maybe it’s silly to expect these things. But maybe it’s also okay to still want them. I mean, is it wrong to want to be swept off my feet? To believe in “happily ever after?” Because if it is, then I guess I’ll be waiting forever for my Prince to come.