Coffee Talk: Choose Your Team

There are three places to be in the Lee clan:

1.    Team Dad

2.     Team Mom

3.     Team No One

Let’s break it down.

First there’s Team Dad. That team is comprised of dad and K. They’ve always been a pair for as long as I can remember. K is the smart one. The musically inclined one. The responsible one. She was going to become someone special one day. She was the “perfect” child any Asian parent could hope for. K can do no wrong in Dad’s eye so therefore she chooses him.

Then there’s Team Mom. In Team Mom there’s her, D, and M. This team was formed as a result of Team Dad. Since K was the “golden child,” everyone else just fell short. It almost seemed like nothing you did was ever good enough for him. Mom tried to make up for this by throwing 100% and more into making sure you felt like you were important and loved. D and M will always choose mom.

Lastly, there’s Team No One. This is where I reside. In my family you were either Team Mom or Team Dad. You couldn’t be both. I never chose; therefore, I was nowhere.

For a long time, I existed in this limbo because I didn’t have a good with relationship with either of my parents. My dad was in California and I was in Hawaii. I never flew up to see him and he never flew down to see me. We never called on another. Never texted. We were strangers. I lived with my mom, but between taking care of my grandparents and M, it never felt like she had time for me.

I used to feel like it was all my parent’s fault for the lack of relationship we had.  Now that I’m older, I’ve realized that they aren’t the only ones to blame for the lack of relationship between us. I could have tried to reach out for help when the issues first started. Instead I always made excuses. It was always, “what can dad even do when he’s literally an ocean away” and “mom doesn’t have time to help me.” That’s not the case though. They would have made time if I had just said something. I know this now, because they are making the time to help me and be there for me.

I’m still adamant against choosing a team. Instead, I’m going to do what I’ve always done and follow my own path. I’m going to choose to have a relationship with both of my parents. I’m going to choose to have them both involved in my life. From here on out, they’re getting all of me – the good and bad. I hope they’re ready.